How to deal with Jealousy

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. 

Furthermore, Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. 

                                                                                                                  

Jealousy is not a rare emotion––many people feel it now and then. Jealousy can bring you down and even pull apart a relationship; it can also be a signal to you that it's time to either make a change or change something in your life that will allow you to move on to the next stage of your emotional growth. 

It's a mixture of emotions that can include anger, fear, grief and feelings of betrayal. We learn jealousy during infancy and childhood. It stems from a basic survival instinct. 

Types of Jealous 

One of the most common types of jealousy is romantic jealousy, she said. We also tend to feel jealous about others’ successes, strengths, lifestyles and relationships,

Various attempts have been made to distinguish between different types of jealousy. One important distinction is between normal and abnormal jealousy (Pines 1992). Normal jealousy has its basis in a real threat to a person's relationship with another. Most "normal" people experience intense jealousy when a valued relationship is threatened.

On the other hand, jealousy is abnormal in two circumstances. First, jealousy is abnormal when it is not related to a real threat to a valued relationship, but to some inner trigger of the jealous individual. Such jealousy is also called delusional jealousy. Second, jealousy is abnormal when the jealous response is dramatically exaggerated or violent

A similar distinction is made by Gerrod Parrott (1991), who believes the most important distinction concerns the nature of the threat to the relationship. Jealousy may occur when the threat is only suspected and its nature is unclear. On the other hand, it may occur when the threat is unambiguously real and its effects are known. When the threat is unclear or only suspected, the result is suspicious jealousy, and the predominant reactions concern fears and uncertainties. When the threat to the relationship is unambiguous and damaging, the result is a fait accompli: jealousy and the reactions are an accomplished fact

Finally, Gregory White and Paul Mullen (1989) differentiate three major classes of jealousy. Symptomatic jealousy is a consequence of a major mental illness such as paranoid disorder, schizophrenia, substance abuse, or organic brain disorders. Because of personality disorder or strong sensitizing experiences, some people are especially sensitive to self-esteem or relationship threat and experience pathological jealousy.

 Normal jealousy, on the other hand, occurs in people who are neither sensitized nor suffering from a major mental illness. These three classes of jealousy differ according to the relative influences of biology, personality, and relationship on the development of jealousy; in the jealous person's capacity for reality testing; and in suggested treatment approaches.

Common Types of Jealousy

Jealousy from Romance

It is the most common and frequent type of jealousy. There is a sense of security in the relationship if love is reciprocated from the partner. However, if the relationship creates insecurity and vulnerability in the mind, then a feeling of fear and jealousy gets germinated. Then, there's a constant fear of losing one's importance in the relationship. Some people experience severe jealousy whenever a new and attractive person comes in contact with their. This type is one of the difficult one to deal with especially if it becomes an obsession.

Platonic Jealousy

This jealousy can most commonly be seen in friendships, when one fears losing a friend to a more interesting or friendly person. The emotional attachment with your own friend is so much that you can't imagine them with someone else

Jealousy amongst Siblings

Sibling rivalry is commonly seen in families across the world. There is a general sense of competition amongst children to be their parent's favorite child. There is a display of jealousy on arrival of a new sibling, on being made to share favorite toys, clothes, or other facilities, on being showered lesser attention, and experiencing lesser love than siblings, on experiencing a negative comparison made between siblings by parents or even when a sibling is smarter or more talented than another.

Jealousy at Workplace

This is a commonly observed jealousy occurring between colleagues and subordinates at a workplace. It is often known to crop up when there is a lack of appreciation for the work, and efforts made by an employee. Often, there is a general feeling of jealousy and resentment between colleagues with similar job profiles, when only one of them gets promoted, or gets a pay hike. This creates a feeling of disappointment and jealousy in the heart of an employee.

Rather than letting jealousy infect your relationship with others, use its appearance as a reason to work on yourself and to understand the fears that drive it.

 Indeed there is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

How to deal with Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior. It begins with awareness. However, there are a number of elements that create the dynamic of jealousy.  As such, effective solutions will have to address multiple elements of beliefs, point of view, emotions, and personal will power.  If you miss one or more of these elements you leave the door open for those destructive emotions and behaviors to returns

The steps to permanently end jealous reactions are: 
1) Recovering personal power so that you can get control of your emotions and refrain from the reactive behavior. 
2) Shift your point of view so that you can step back from the story in your mind. This will give you a gap of time in which to refrain from a jealous or angry reaction and do something else. 
3) Identify the core beliefs that trigger the emotional reaction. 
4) become aware that the beliefs in your mind are not true. This is different than “knowing” intellectually that the stories are not true. 
5) Develop control over your attention so you can consciously choose what story plays in your mind and what emotions you feel.